Seriously, doesn’t everyone lounge like this? Gorgeous.
Disclaimer: Before we begin let’s all just state that no one is happy a young family broke up. No one is thrilling that Apple and Moses’ mommy and daddy are Counciously Uncoupling.
Oh Gwynneth. How I love to hate you. Or just hate you. I am not so sure which it is. I was never a fan, but I was never a hater until that fateful day I caught an episode of Spain…on the Road Again and you were having a fit about being filmed from the side because of your “big Jewish nose.”
I’m sorry, what? Okay, first of all…You’re a gorgeous movie star. Second you are like the poster girl for WASP life with your Spence education, your ultra blond hair and your sunkist freckes across your…big Jewish nose? Let’s not even delve into the rest of the ways that could be offensive.
Not to mention GOOP’s rife with fantabulous out of touch-ness. Which I frequently check out. Why yes, I DO need a $20,000 pizza oven and you’re right! This truffle oil is not a want it is in fact, a necessity. And of course I my babies need these over a thousand dollar cashmere blankies. Organic cotton is for the riff raff, am I right?
Why does she make it so easy to mock her? She’s so out of touch she is out of touch with out of touch people. Even *Mitt Romney is like “girlfriend is out of touch”
I started writing about the simple douchery of “councious uncoupling’ but then a million posts hit the internet and each one of them was more brilliant than anything I could come up with. But then she went and gave a whole soliloquy on how much easier it is to be a regular old working mom in an office than it is to be a millionare movie star, who incidentally grew up the child of millionare movie stars. By all counts this seems to have been a loving and involved family, nary a tale of Hollywood neglect, so she was raised with love and money which is something we all aspire to raise our children with, right?
“I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.” GP
Now, I am an ex-actress certainly not of Gwyneth’s success. A couple of Indie films and a bunch of commercials does not a Gwynneth make! But I’ve been on set my fair share and I’ve worked on sets with BIG STARS like Gwynnie, and let me tell you a touch about what that there entails. Yes. Long hours. It’s true, SAG states that Gwynnie can only work 12 hours a day, she is given big breaks AND if she goes over there are many, many, many penalties the production company must pay. Gwynneth’s work schedule is highly monitored and it costs a LOT of money if they go over her allotted time. Then there are required days off etc. Plus a 12 hour turnaround. That’s to say that if she is scheduled to start the next work day at 9 am but they don’t finish till 11 at night the night before her start is then pushed to 11 am. That’s not to say that being on set and working as an actor isn’t hard work at times, but it is also a great deal of fun and the second someone calls CUT she’s getting a drink and a re-make up. (It can also be a maelstrom of egos, tension and tantrums. Which I have experienced both on sets and in an office. It can be a tough gig.) If there’s a light set up or a resetting of camera postiton, which can indeed take time, she is off to her MoHo (motor home) or dressing room, depending on location or studio shoot. It’s good to note that the crew shows up before she gets there and stays till after she leaves I don’t believe they get penalty money and I know they don’t get any 12 hour turn around! . And the crew works hard, you guys. I once worked on a set with Robin Williams who every day they went over played trivia games with the crew and passed out every dime of his penalty money. Now I am not shaming Gwynneth for not doing as Williams did, she very well may do that, but he knew and acknowleged that even on the set his job was tough, but it was also a constant catering too. And YES he brings the $ in, as does she, but there’s knowing your position and being gracious about it, and then there’s knowing your position and insisting that your life is harder than everyone else.
Let’s discuss the meals…the best meal I EVER had was on a set. And I was not Gwynneth. Make no mistake her meals are made to order, to specialty and served hot in her trailer or dressing room which features some sort of yoga or pilates equipment or treadmill, a big old couch, satellite tv.
How many times have you had your work fly you and your family on a private jet to work? How many times have you had on set child care? Have they built you a personalized nursery at your office? Because they have for Gwynneth. She doesn’t worry about missing work for a sniffly nose. No, they will rearrange the filming schedule if need be but more likely the best pediatrician in the area will be brought on and everyone will be given B12 shots ‘just to be safe’. And if she does leave her children behind they are in the greatest care, the greatest schools and fly to visit whenever they can. Sure, it sucks being away from your kids, but she’s not worrying about them at home without her being latch key kids. I mean her French and Spanish Nannies are doing okay on the child care front.
“She’s French, so she’s teaching them French, and their previous nanny was Spanish, so they’re fluent in Spanish.”
I don’t begrudge her her success, I don’t. Not the success she was born into nor the success she has cultivated for herself. But sister, don’t try to pull of the one of the gals attitude when say things like “I’d rather kill myself than let my kids eat cup o’ soup” when some moms are working at those dreadful, horrible, office jobs, working long hours frequently for not enough pay just to buy things like ramen noodles for their kids. And certainly don’t say crap like : “I don’t want to be rich and I don’t want to be famous.” Gwynnie, you were born rich but you chose a profession and cultivated fame, the daughter of the gorgeous and talented Blythe Danner and Bruce Paltrow. And that’s okay. Just own it! I have to give her credit that she took the opportunities afforded her seriously, she works hard as an actress. But her sky has always been the most cereluean blue and it’s never occurred to her it could be any other color for anyone else.
Next time Gwynneth, if you’re going to talk about any sort of which mom has it harder topic just say this: It’s hard. Being a mother is hard. No matter what you have or do you always worry it’s not right or enough, because these little people are the most precious beings we’ve ever met and they depend on us. Then call Jen Garner and Gwen Stefani and ask them to lunch. At a kid friendly restaurant and just relax.
But you guys, I have a confession. Even after all of this I can’t help but want to hang out with her, because she is batcrap crazy out of touch but that is her actual reality! And you guys? I just want to see that for five minutes. Like a unicorn that can talk and say stupid shit.
And I am okay with feeling good about that. Plus I just scored super cute flats at Target. And Gwynneth may never know that thrill.
*I made that up about Mitt Romney. Thus far he has made no official statement about Gwynneth Paltrow.