Recently I’ve had the blogging blahs. Nothing big…just the blahs. BlogHer really made me think about this self generated machine we are all a part of, both the incredible good it can and does do culturally, socially and individually; and also the negative. I’m not even talking about the Munchhausen blogs, the rip off, the snark sites. I am talking about comparing our ‘behind the scenes’ to others highlight reels.
It suddenly struck me why I’ve had such a rough time blogging lately, what began as a form of expression and sharing my stories and my stories of my kids has begun to be just one more area in life where I don’t measure up. And no, I am not talking site stats, subscribers or internet fame. I am just fine where I am in that regard. I mean that suddenly it seems as if I don’t love my boys if they don’t have ikat legging, minnetonks and saltwater sandals for summer. (And honestly, I think saltwaters are a little girly. My husband had saltwaters when he was little, and although adorable, I think they would have looked better on me. Also, it could have been the kickass 80’s jogging shorts and rainbow t-shirt he was sporting as well. The 80’s. Great music, bad fashion)
I read (and love) so many blogs, gazing at such beautiful pictures of beautiful children and their beautiful parents and I think…dude, I am still in my pj’s. I’ve busted up ten fights between my sweet Boss and my two with a vengence Huck. Crafts? Setting up gorgeous photo shoots? Drama free trips to the museum? Documented in all it’s adorable glory with perfectly edited DSLR photos? Mom perfectly dressed and looking well rested? In the immortal words of Sweet Brown, ain’t nobody got time for that.
Of course by nobody, I mean ME.
I’m not accusing these women of lying or staging things, some women (my best friend Janice is one of them) have it all together like that. That’s their forte. Clearly that’s not mine.
I am not coming down on them for having such a life, or portraying their lives in such a manner. I’m not judging them, I am judging me.
I need to get it together. I need to remember that just because my house isn’t the perfect blog worthy home, and my kids have peanut butter on their faces doesn’t mean it’s not worth writing about my life. For me, anyway. I need to remember that my kids don’t give a tiny rat’s ass about chevron or ikat or whatever is the new pattern. They don’t care if their bedroom is perfectly decorated or not. They don’t care if their birthday parties are pin worthy, pin-tastic or pinteriffic. They care if we are there and we celebrate together.
So I am going to let it go. We went to Chuck E Cheese this weekend and had a mad scramble birthday pool party for the Boss. Neither of which will end up on Pinterest, or reblogged. But we had a damn good time and my kid felt loved and had a blast. And in the end that’s what I have time for. What I want.
Blogging sometimes makes me feel like I am in 7th grade and I don’t have the Guess jeans with the zippers at the ankle or whatever is the must have thing to be cool. It seemed like the end of the world then, but it wasn’t. It’s not the end of the world that my kids have a 19 dollar circus tent from Ikea instead of a hand whittled tipi covered with vintage sheets and embroidered by hand. They have a blast in that damn tent for days, even if it is a bit of an eyesore.
There is room for all of us here in this big blogging world. Even those of us who hate ikat.
Love to you all, yes even you.
P.S. while I was writing this Huck busted into my craft supplies and now has letter stickers all over his belly. And that? Is what craft supplies are for in my house. That and mugshot boards for the annual birthday mugshot.