Birthday Letters

Max’s Birthday Letter (late)

18447674_10154288921985876_7315162523581789159_nDearest Max,

How are you nine? Nine is, so grown. I remember nine. Nine is big kid problems and more complex schoolwork. Nine is an official pitcher on your baseball team. Nine is…not little.

I am struggling with it. You are not. I am constantly amazed at your growth. You are aware of your anxiety and your struggles, but you take them in such stride. I worry constantly about you in social situations but it is needless. You take off at the pool for the deep end making friends, playing Sharks and Minnows for hours.  When there is a joint activity you THRIVE.  I truly believe you are the bravest kid, courage is being scared and doing it anyway and sometimes that is an all day activity for you. But at the pool, on the baseball field? No fear. All skill and fun. There is nothing greater than that.

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You continue to be a kind hearted kid. It’s one of the things I treasure most about you. You take kindness seriously. This last year you dealt with a bully, and he got to you quite a bit in your heart. It was hard, and one day after a particularly bad encounter you sat in the backseat of the van and we talked about it and you said “He must really be having a hard time to be so mean”. I agreed. Surely he was. He was in pain, you thought. I nodded, both heartbroken that my sweet boy was having a hard time and lifted that even at this age you understood that others can act out due to their own pain. It’s not right and it’s not fair but it is human, and you got that.  You take our motto “You are not going to like everyone, everyone is not always going to like you. But we must always be kind.” seriously.  I appreciate that about you and work to protect it.

This year you  started to thrive academically, we were able to figure out  some of how your magnificent brain works, and your amazing school got you set up with people to help you achieve all you can. You are a math whiz. You seem surprised at your own smarts sometimes. I always joke that you are a Super Secret Amazing Reader and your test scores showed that this year.  You have a speech disfluency, due to anxiety, and now you are getting help with that, I knew that this added to your not wanting to read aloud in class or in front of others. But you own it now and it is amazing. At the Author’s Tea this year you proudly read your work and when you got stuck you simply looked up and said “sometimes I stutter.” No big deal, sometimes you stutter. Sometimes you don’t. Joe Biden stuttered too. Didn’t hold him back, won’t hold you back. No sir.

Growing up is hard and sometimes you get angry, I know it’s hard sometimes to control your temper and we fight about this, but we are a team and we have your back.

Your art is just…incredible. I love to see how you create and draw. How you see things. You and your brother and sister can draw all day and none of you have ever had any use for coloring books or the like. Plain paper, thank you.

You continue to be obsessed with Five Nights at Freddy’s. I hate it, you love it. You love it because, well, it’s a THING, and also because it is scary but doesn’t scare you. Anything that empowers you, I am for. And while I do not care for it I do care for the creativity it has inspired in you. You create cardboard puppets with articulated jaws and draw endless variations on the characters working on each one’s facial expressions and perspectives. I am constantly amazed with the art you put out. I hope you never stop creating.

You continue to love music but are much more interested in sports right now. The Beatles have taken a backseat to basketball. Baseball is still your first love and you want to play football but mama won’t let you. Sorry. I gotta protect that beautiful noggin and that glorious brain! We compromised on flag football. So we are both happy. 20479453_10154539299725876_2245592579082296432_n

You are still my homebody, you would stay home all the time if I let you. You are THE GREATEST big brother ever, your patience with Piper knows no bounds and while you and Huck are getting to a place where you fight sometimes, you love him so much. You sometimes still crawl into my lap for a snuggle and I stop everything for our cuddles and talks.  It’s hard to believe we are halfway to 18 and college. It’s been a blink of an eye and honestly, even the hard moments, have been full of joy.

You are the very heart of our family. I cannot wait to see what this year brings as you continue to spread your wings. You KNOW yourself, and sometimes, okay often, I just need to back off and trust you.

I love you so much Max. Happy Birthday.

Piper’s 3rd Birthday Letter

Every year on their birthdays I write my children a letter. This is Piper’s third birthday letter.

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Dearest Piper,

You will hear me say this many times over your lifetime but it seems as if you’ve just been born, but also as if we have never been without you. You, my sweet girl, were what we were missing.

I’m late with this letter because I have really been struggling with it. You are three now, no longer a baby, and I admit it is so bittersweet. There will be no new baby to replace your warm little body in my arms, as there was with your brothers. Our family is complete, I feel no baby fever, my three babies are the perfect ones for me and I feel no loss to not having another. So that makes your leaving this phase behind you even more final. You are the last baby I will ever have, and now? You are no baby.

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You are all girl. You are strong, and willful, and so powerful I am in awe of you. You know your mind, you know what you like and what you don’t. You do not suffer fools easily. In fact, at all. You are all pink, frilly, delicate and sweet…until you need not be. Then you drop the hammer like no ones business. I know that society will want to encourage the sweet, the pink, the frilly,  will want to cultivate the girly, the small and the quiet. So I have vowed to cultivate what is innherrent in you. The baby bad ass that you truly are.

You can play by yourself for hours with your tiny shopkins, or PJ Masks toys. You love a good dollhouse. But your favorite thing in the world is your brothers, and their toys from the horror game Five Nights At Freddy’s. In particular, some weird ugly chicken named Chica. You love Chica. You and Huck play FNAF and you pretend to be Chica. You have Chica plushies (which is nothing but a rad name to make grown ups feel cool owning stuffed animals, but whatever) You and Huck are inseperable, you play together all day and fight as often as you play, but you cannot be away from one another. If you should happen tomake a friend at a park or church, or even our little cousin comes to visit and you play with her, Huck gets so jealous! You are his Pippi! You love it.

We always joke that between the two boys you have it covered. Max dotes on you, gives you his brand new toys the moment they arrive, even if he has waited for them, even if their are chica! He praises you and makes a big deal out of every accomplishment. Absolutely everything you do is perfect in his eyes, and on the off chance that he does get annoyed with your little sister antics, they are short lived and he cant’t wait to snuggle you again.

Huck? Huck started out as brother boot camp, he is rough with you, sometimes too rough, but you go back for more. Huck encourages your toughness, you fight back, and frequently you win. But it’s not all roughhousing, he is your stalwart playfellow. You develop games together, you create and paint together and oh, how you laugh together.  He is still young enough to watch your shows and share your interests. And when the three of you are laughing together, especially when I hear it from the other room, I swear it is the happiest moment of my entire life.

You start school in the fall and you are ready! You know your ABCs though it can be a bit dodgy about the middle, but you smile that smile and we all tell you it was perfect. We are suckers for our Pippi.

You like your hair down, no ponytails but we force you to have one so your hair won’t be in your face. You will only wear pink. You love your pink sparkly jelly shoes. Minnie Mouse, Owlette, and Puppy Dog Pals. Bunny is still your very favorite and you sleep with her every night. You love going to movies and swinging in the red swing. I confess, I don’t swing you enough. You still sleep with me at night, and I will be sad when that ends. You snuggle up close and I can smell your sweet hair and your soft breathing and it just stops me in my tracks that I got a girl.

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We say it all the time, the boys your father and me, we are so glad we got a girl.

You are our girl. And we love you so. You are precious beyond measure to us, and no one better mess with our girl.

Cause you can take care of yourself. (but if you need back up, we got your six)

SIX; Huck’s birthday letter

Every year on their birthday I write my children a letter to mark the year. This is Huck’s sixth birthday letter.

 

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My dearest Huckleberry,

SIX! You were so excited to be six you woke up at 4 am and simply couldn’t get back to sleep.  Six is a real live big kid! I cannot help but smile every time you cross my mind which is often. “I’m six right now!” you said joyfully in the morning and then again on the way to the movie theatre to celebrate with Captain Underpants. It was so pure that we couldn’t help but awe at your comment.

That’s you. Pure joy. Whatever it is, you are all in! And your birthday? Well, you bring the party!

I am not sure there is anything in the world that can instantly transform my mood like your patented Happy Dance. Snoopy has nothing on your happy dance!

In January we had a house fire and you were in the kitchen when it was burning. Of everyone in the family you have had the hardest time with it. You cannot be alone right now, you get very scared, afraid even to go to the bathroom by yourself! I am sorry it took me so long to realize what was going on with you, every beep from the microwave, every noise from the coffee maker, and heartbreakingly when the smoke detector went off at Ma and Bob Bob’s house panics you and my heart hurts that I didn’t instantly understand instead of brushing it off. You tend to shake things off so easily that it took me too long to understand how affected you were by the fire. Ma and I take turns sleeping with you and snuggling you at night until you feel safe. Every day you feel more confident and we will do whatever necessary to ease your fears. There is something extra painful at watching our happy, spirited little man be so scared. Again I am so sorry it took me so long to understand.

No one in the world loves hugs more than you do. You are still the snuggliest, sweetest little man in the land and you are happiest cuddling close to someone. You love CARS and chose to postpone your birthday party for two weeks so you could have a movie party for CARS3. You love to draw and create, sing and be silly, and more than anything you love your brother and sister.

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When Max pays attention to you and you two bond over Five Nights at Freddie’s (which I hate), or he compliments you on a drawing you’ve done, I see you absolutely bloom.  But the real story this year is you and Piper…you and she are best buds, you two cannot be parted from one another right now. You fight and play together all day, and if she tries to talk to someone else or play with someone at the playground or movies you get so jealous, you run up and hug her! It’s really sweet. Listening to you guys laugh and play is absolutely one of my favorite things in the world. You both ask for popsicles in the bath and I know there will be at least 30 minutes of fun for you guys. You make up games and stories and set up rocket ships and beaches all day.

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You rocked Kindergarten this year. You make friends easily and bring home all kinds of fabulous stories about them. Kindergarten has a LOT of crushes this year! You love learning, though reading is frustrating to you. This seems to be getting easier now that you got glasses! And listen, the glasses? Are KILLER. You picked them out yourself and we all just thought you made the greatest choice! I love how you swing them down and hook them over one ear when you need to see close up. It’s so cute and resourceful!

Your favorite color is still orange, you go crazy for Panera, and you still love hats. You ‘dare’ people to do things all the time, that aren’t actually dares. Like “I DARE you to give me dinner”, you no longer say ‘mine’ instead of my, but you do still say ‘childrens’ instead of child. You have the cutest way of phrasing things, you’re basically the cutest thing ever.

You are my best model, you love to post for pictures and ask for more! You are charming, sweet, silly, smart as a whip and you do not do anything halfway.

You bring the party.

And I am so glad you brought it to me.

Happy Birthday my sweet Huckleberry, you are my sparkler! My little firecracker and I am so glad you are my kid!
I love you!!!!

Mommy.

TWO- Lady Baby is TWO.

 

Every year on their birthday  I write my children a letter, this is Piper’s second birthday letter.

(this is so late due to so much site trauma. So third child, my LadyBaby, please forgive me.)

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TWO!

My Sweetest Lady,

You are two. Without a doubt these have been the two fastest years of my life. I’ve blinked and you’re two.

And what a two year old you are!

Your aunt says  “Piper’s such a little bad ass” and it’s one of my favorite things that’s ever been said about you. You are. You are as girly as they come. You only want pink, sparkly things around you, and if they are Minnie Mouse related, all the better! You are distinctive in your clothing choices already, obsessed with shoes, a jewelry thief of the highest order. Your sweet  little “tink you” when you get what you want will melt even the coldest heart. But should anyone mess with you?

Nope. Not today.

You are beyond fearless. You walk right up to the pool and plunge right in. Can’t swim? No big. You’ll figure it out. I am so grateful that you have deemed your pink safety float as a desirable accessory, because none of us can keep up with you!

You are determined, when you want to do something, you do it.

You are a sneak out of bed and destroy your room expert. You climb ALL the things and give me terrors over it! I kept finding these long bruises on your ribs and I admit it took me a while to realize it was because you were hurling yourself (quietly) out of your crib and then hurling yourself back in before the sun rose.  So off came the crib rail, and I was thrust into my last baby being a full on KID. But you’re my kid. I took you shopping for bedding for your new bed and you marched past all the characters and prints and went right for a frilly white quilt. “is Pippi!” You announced and I handed my card over to the cashier feeling so proud.

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I’ve had to move things so you can’t get up on your dresser, take even the toddler rail off your bed, due to your climbing and jumping in the middle of the night. Keeping you safe is a full time job. There are no baby gates on our stairs, we had to put a hook and eye lock on your door for nighttime because you took one look at the baby gate at the top of our very steep stairs and attempted to hurl yourself over it.

You call yourself Pippi, or Mon Pippi, because you own yourself and apparently you are French.  Your brothers still call you Lady or The Lady. Speaking of brothers, oh how they love you and you love them! Max is sweet and kind and makes sure you are safe and plays so happily with you. He thinks of you as his and takes a great deal of responsibility for you. And Huckleberry, I am not going to lie, Huck had a hard time when you were born. It’s rather common, but now you and he are best friends. He beats you up like crazy, won’t leave you alone and is always in your space. You LOVE it. And when you don’t, well…the little bad ass comes out and takes care of business. I like to tease that you are twins, you and Huck. The Terrific Twosome! You are wild and adventurous and the way you laugh together absolutely makes my heart want to burst.

You can sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and the ABC song and several others like a PRO! You can identify most shapes and all the major colors, especially PINK!

You are inventive and silly, sweet and snuggly, and so full of personality.

You rarely throw tantrums, when you do they seem to be short lived- so far. Our favorite tantrum thing you do is fall to the ground and cry “Why! WHYYYYYYYYYYY?” Someday we will show you video of an ice skater named Nancy Kerrigan and tell you how without even knowing it you performed pitch perfect imitations of her, regularly.

You were our missing piece. With you we are complete. You are utterly adored by your father, who is powerless against your charms. He doesn’t even get grumpy when we come home with yet another pair of shoes, he just smiles and says “anything for Piper.”

You bring joy to everyone you meet, you wave at strangers and we will need to drive home some stranger danger lessons soon as you tend to just go up to anyone who looks like a grandpa and asked to be picked up.

That’s not cool. How do we encourage your friendliness and teach you not to just GO with people?

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Happy Birthday my sweet Lady Baby. You are the center of this family’s universe. Watching you play with your brothers heals my soul. Max teaches you love and kindness and gentle play. Huck makes sure no one will ever mess with you and with him you take over the world!
The three of you are a force to be reckoned with, trust me, I know. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Love,

Mommy

 

 

 

FIVE

 

Every year on their birthdays I write my children a letter. This is Huck’s fifth birthday letter.Huck Birthday collage WM

 

Dearest Huckleberry,

You are five. FIVE! I know  I sound like a broken record (and you won’t know what that means) but how did this happen? Where did the time go?  Five years ago today we brought you home from the hospital, so tiny and pink. You were one of those adorable “old man babies” and we were all smitten with you, no one more than Max.

Five years have passed and while you no longer look pink, tiny, or like an old man we remain smitten with our sweet Baboo. You are the spirit and the fire of our family. You bring the party wherever you go and you are all in for whatever is happening. This is usually a great thing, but sometimes not. You are what they describe as a “spirited” child, which means you have a very strong personality and a lot of joy, ideas, commitment and excitement. These are all amazing and excellent qualities that I cherish in you, even if it does make parenting a challenge sometimes. I read once that spirited children make for successful adults if we can just resist parenting the spirit out of them, and as your mother that is my goal. It’s hard to keep you safe and teach you how to negotiate the world when you are flying among the clouds and will not listen.

Listening is your least favorite thing in the world.

You said to me the other day “I get in trouble a lot” and that may seem true, we haven’t found your currency yet, so now we are trying something new. It broke my heart when you said that. The difference between you, Max (and so far Piper) is that when we tell them no, and why…they stop. You look at us with the cutest most sneaky little smile and keep on going. You test. And that’s okay. I want you to know that while you may GET into trouble a great deal right now, you are NOT a trouble to us. You are a joy. For no one brings pure love and joy to our family like you do.

You still love to hug and cuddle. You still say “mine” instead of  “my”. You are still the perfect size for snuggling. You love Rescue Bots and you felt bad about leaving Paw Patrol behind. You are kind, sweet, and above all else JOYOUS. Much like your joy is all encompassing, your hurt feelings or anger are also all encompassing. Your father likes to say you have been “notoriously wronged!” when you are upset and your anger is righteous! You, sir, are fully committed to whatever it is you are feeling.

You hate pants. In fact the very moment you get home you are pantsless. We are all used to it and in the words of your brother. “Huck has no pants on, that’s just his thing.” I used to fight you on it, but now…I just laugh. This too shall pass and soon you’ll be grown and off and I will laugh at how you used to wear a shirt and shoes and no pants.

Your perspective on the world is a constant delight. You handle your brother’s anxiety and sensory issues  beautifully. Willingly switching your party to a place he could enjoy, even when I reassured you that your party should be wherever YOU wanted it to be.

Max is reading Harry Potter right now and you’ve scratched your forehead in the exact Harry Potter spot, the other day  we were talking about it being a bummer we are Muggles and you piped up “not all of us! Max has super powers!” We frequently say that Max has super sonic hearing because of how easily loud noises can upset him. In that moment you made your big brother feel amazing. Thank you for that.

Spending time with you is so much fun, I am looking forward to trips this summer and lazy afternoons with you. There is nothing I don’t adore about you. You are a good, sweet boy, and while mischief comes easily to you, empathy comes even more naturally.

I am proud of how you grow every day.

You are my Huckleberry, through and through.

I cannot wait to see what this next year brings for you. You cannot wait to start Kindergarten and you are whip smart! I hope that you will be able to learn to follow rules and listen, while not losing that spirit and sweetness that make you YOU!

I love you always. Exactly as you are.

 

 

 

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You can read Huck’s Fourth Birthday Letter Here  his third, second and first!

SEVEN

Every year on my children’s birthday I write them a letter. This is Max’s seventh. for web (1 of 1)-40

 

My sweet Max,

Seven. Seven seems so big. This morning  we did your birthday mugshots and I was shocked when I placed them side by side with the ones from one year ago today. You have changed so much!

This year you conquered kindergarten like a champ. I was so worried, I admit I worry about you probably more than I should. You did so well. I did everything I could do to make sure you were in the right school and Dr. Williams put you in the perfect class with Mrs. J and then I had to trust you to fly. You did. This year I learned that  as much as I try to ensure you are in situations that allow your confidence to build and your self reliance to grow that YOU know yourself really well and I simply need to listen to you and take my cues from you. Your anxiety is still there, we still do “the thing” every night before bed. But this year there have been fewer acute attacks and very rarely have you exhibited stress tics.  I am so proud of you.

You even handled kids at school calling you a fraidey cat perfectly, and while simply thinking about it now- after the fact- makes me want to cry, you told them what they were doing wasn’t for you and then you shook it off. You are amazing. My promise to you this year is that I will release my, well, anxiety about your anxiety and let you be. I will let you breathe but I will be right there, should you need me.

This year I figured out that you are a bit like Dumbo and the magic feather, sometimes we just need to find that magic feather to help you trust your own abilities. You were afraid to go under the water till we gave you goggles, then you were ready to go!

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You and Huck have alternated between having a great time together and fighting like cats and dogs. This has been a very hard year for Huck and most of the time you handle his tantrums and tears with love and support. The other night you two had a huge fight, you wouldn’t let him play with you. You told him he wasn’t allowed that only you and Piper could play.  There was pushing, hitting and a lot of tears involved. I sent you to Huck’s room to calm down while I cared for him. When I came in you were angry, you have been angry a lot this year and that’s okay, you started to launch into all the things Huck did wrong. But I stopped you.  I told you it’s okay to only want to play with Piper sometimes.  Then I told you something you didn’t know, Huck’s greatest fear is exactly that, that you and Piper don’t need him or want him. He has struggled with Piper’s arrival not really because I was busy with her, but because YOU were. I told you that when you said those words to him it hurt him. But because he is so little he can’t put those feelings into words, he can’t verbalize it the way you do. I told you he was like Tip in HOME. He was sad-mad. You looked at me like a light bulb went on in your mind, “OH! That’s why he gets so upset and hits! He is sad-mad!” you went to him and hugged him and told him you loved him. He idolizes you Max. You are his hero and he absolutely lights up with a kind word from you.

You guys play a game where you travel to Key West. I have no idea where you got it from but you guys play it regularly and it’s  hilarious. The only thing better than listening to you two laugh together is listening to the THREE of you. And you do a great job of helping this along by showing kindness to your brother. Piper practically wiggles out of her skin when she sees you, especially in the morning. You light her up.

You still love baseball and especially the NATS. This fall you move up to machine pitch and it cannot come fast enough for you. You practice all the time. I can usually find you setting up a field and running the bases! You draw intricate plans of the Great American Ball Park and Nats Stadium.

You also draw incredibly detailed drawings of The Cavern! Yes, you still love The Beatles!

You want a YouTube channel and I can find you pretending you are doing a toy opening video regularly. It’s basically awesome.

You change clothes approximately 292,756 times a day. Every activity needs wardrobe.

If you could spend all day every day at the pool,  you would.

Your favorite food is rice and beans and you drink seltzer water like a maniac.

My favorite time of day with you is bedtime. Being a kid can be hard with all those emotions and things to learn coming up so quickly. I shocked you the other day when you were having a hard time and I said quietly “Sometimes it is really hard to be a kid.” You looked at me like you couldn’t believe I understood and said “yes. it is!” But at night, no matter how grumpy you’ve been, how tired and cranky, how angry you got because you were embarrassed you made a mistake, at night you snuggle close to me and we talk about everything. You tell me about God, we talk about school and family and we laugh about what happened that day.  I feel so blessed to be your mother.

I cannot believe you are off to first grade in five weeks. I know you will be amazing, just as you were in kindergarten and I promise to relax and just let you be.

I love you so, so, so much.

Love, Mom

6-7^sucker punched by time, I tell ya.

You can read his earlier birthday letters HERE

One

Each year on their birthdays I write my children a letter. This is Piper’s first letter.

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My darling girl,

I am in denial that you, my last baby, have had your last night as a baby and are bravely tackling the new moniker of toddler.  I am certain that this denial will follow your growth, but I promise not to let it get in the way of your growth. This past year has flown by. I feel as though I have blinked and you are one.

When your father and I were deciding if we wanted another baby, a woman told me “You might regret it if you don’t, but you will never regret it if you do.” She was so right. You are an absolute treasure to our entire family. You make us softer, kinder, and stronger.  When we go out it never fails that someone smiles at you and says softly, sometimes to us and sometimes under their breath “how precious”. Everyone we meet recognizes indeed how precious you are. Priceless.

Your brothers dote on you. Max loves you unconditionally and takes the job of protector and builder of self-esteem very seriously. You never go long without a kiss, a hug, and you never want for a toy, the very moment you reach for one your big brother is off to get it for you. Your eyes positively light up when you look at each other.  Huck also only has eyes for you.  Baby Big Brother is making you tough, he loves you so much, he sometimes hugs too hard and wants to hold you too tight. He teaches you to stand up for yourself, and heaven help whoever crosses you…he or she will have the three of you to deal with!

I was so worried about having a girl, I myself had a hard time and I struggled in my relationship with my mother. I will try hard not to repeat the same mistakes, but I am certain to make some. My love for you is all encompassing and every new accomplishment of yours is met with great celebration from us all.

You are the sweetest little girl, you are kind and gentle and you are such a delight that I don’t even care that you still wake up every two hours at night. Daddy doesn’t even care that sometimes I have to tag him in because at least once a week Pippy Dulli, Party Girl likes to party from 2-5 a.m.

You prefer savory to sweet, choosing chicken and vegetables over fruits. You love spaghetti and sauce. You hate sticky fingers.

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You were the first of my children who didn’t care for cake.

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But you love tiaras. Your first stop is always to steal anything pink, sparkly, or girly. You, so far, are all girly girl. When we showed you your presents you squeaked and squealed because they were pink and you knew they were for you. Recently we took you shopping and your father got the biggest kick out of what you and I already knew; you are a girl who knows what she wants. He would hold up a dress or shirt and you would either smile and reach for it cooing excitedly or give him a face that clearly said you can’t be serious, no way am I wearing that. 

That is how you came home with more clothes than anyone, none of us can resist you!

You are not easy to anger but woe upon the poor soul (usually Huck) who takes one of your toys from you. When you are really mad you put your fist in your mouth and shake your head back and forth making a loud noise. Everyone in the family knows this means Baby Sister is pissed.

You know what you like and you let us know. You are strong, determined, sweet, silly, kind, and the absolute light of this family. With each of your siblings we felt like we couldn’t fathom how we lived without them. That is still true. When you were born it was like we looked around, the five of us and felt well! we are all here now.

Happy First Birthday my sweet girl. You brought healing to old wounds, and though I was afraid to have a daughter I can honestly say all those fears are gone. I am surrounded by good mothers of daughters to look too, including both your grandmothers, and you have strong men who will love and care for you all your life. I missed out on that and I felt that loss tremendously, you won’t.

I love you with all of my being. Just the thought of you make me smile.

That woman was right, I never regretted it. You are a gift to us all. We love you.

Love, Mommy

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