The pressure of a 3rd.

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From the moment we announced I was pregnant with our third baby it started. The comments. From anyone and everyone. Strangers who saw me at the store, good friends, family. “Oh! I hope it’s a girl. You want a girl, right?” “Trying for a girl were you?” “that better be a girl.”

Sure, a girl would be lovely. Different but lovely. A little scary, since I myself was no picnic as a kid and teen, but yes, I confess I dreamt of little shoes and dresses and such. But I’ve found that when I would smile and say the trite but true “seriously we just want healthy” people would nod knowingly and smile and couldn’t resist a “Of course! Still, a girl would be nice right?”

Only one person said “Three boys sounds like heaven to me.” and I held on to that because it sounds heavenly to me too. Three healthy babies xx or xy sounds heavenly to me. Sounds like something I know so many people would give anything to have.

I started to feel a lot of pressure, as if I would disappoint these people, these strangers in the store if I should fail to produce a female child. Everyone seemed singularly focused on a girl baby. This had to be a girl baby. It just had too. How would I face people, friends, family and random people about town with three boys? I was starting to believe I would almost feel embarrassed by it and that’s not what I want. Would we be moving on “gonna try one more time?” Because the answer is no. Boy or girl this is it. My children are my world and my world is large enough, thank you. Still it seemed like I would disappoint everyone. Finally I just started being honest. “You know I’m feeling like everyone is going to be disappointed if this is a boy!” People would laugh nervously and reassure me they wouldn’t be, but still followed up with one more “but the little ruffles!” or something of the like. As we grew closer to finding out my anxiety grew. With the ultrasound scheduled for the 24th I was surprised when the nurse from my OB called with results from my blood test from the previous visit. Everything was fine, right? She assured me it was but that with the broad spectrum blood test they had a 99.5% accurate gender prediction and did I want to know?

I did. Of course I did.

It felt a bit as if time slowed down, I sat in the rocking chair and prepared myself, either way I would be happy but I knew if it was a boy I’d better prepare some snappy come backs, because if it was another boy I would want him to know I was never disappointed. Three boys does sound like heaven. Loud, messy heaven.

I made her tell me three times, not believing her. “I have two boys so I just want to make sure I really hear it.” She was so patient and happy for me. She laughed with me as I tried to process, something I am still doing. What I didn’t share with her is that I felt a little relief when she said “it’s a girl!” Relief that people wouldn’t be disappointed. Relief that I wouldn’t have to constantly tell people I was happy to have three little boys. I find that as I allow myself to get excited about a daughter I also find myself mourning a little bit for the little boy I was prepared to defend simply for being. My two boys are such good friends I know a third would have just added to the fun. But they are so excited for a little sister, it’s what my oldest has been requesting since his brother was 6 months old. I’m starting to really look forward to the girl stuff..whatever she decides that entails. And my boys are excited too.

 

But I’m going to be double and triple checking on that ultrasound on the 24th.

10 comments on “The pressure of a 3rd.

  1. Stimey February 7, 2014 9:21 am

    Congratulations, Stephanie! She will be a wonderful addition to your little troop of munchkins. And she is going to be SO well dressed. 🙂 As a mom to three boys, I can attest to how much fun it is, but also that I get, “Are you going to try for a girl?” from strangers ALL THE TIME. It’s so obnoxious. I’m so happy for you!

  2. Kelly @ Turned up to Eleven! February 7, 2014 9:38 am

    Congratulations, again!!! Aww – a little girl. I am certain she will be a great addition to the brotherly love happening in that house. And another brother would have fit in well too – Enjoy the process of prepping for a little girl! I’ve always wanted a boy, but I’d be just as happy with a girl 🙂 Babies are super awesome and special, period!

  3. karritait February 7, 2014 10:10 am

    When people say, “trying for a xx/xy…” its like nails on chalkboard to me. Because you can’t try for it (well, i guess you could, unconventionally. but that’s another post). Its like, you get what you get and you don’t throw a fit. Boys? Awesome. Girls? Awesome. (btw- my almost 12 yo boy is possibly the most awesome person ever. i’d take 5 of him if i could).

  4. Arnebya February 7, 2014 12:08 pm

    I so thoroughly excited. And while I don’t believe anyone means to be irritating with the whole “trying for a girl/boy” nonsense, it is irritating. Z is nine years younger than our oldest. We weren’t trying for a boy and I couldn’t possibly have cared any less if he were a girl but having to SAY I just want this baby alive seems not to be what people want to hear. And why? Why is it this dumb expectation that people WANT a particularly gendered child if the have or several of just one? Some do, some don’t, but the suggestion that ALL people want the same thing is just ridiculous.

  5. Nickida February 7, 2014 5:51 pm

    Congrats on your little girl. I have three boys but our first was a girl and when I got pregnant with our forth everyone asked did we want a girl. Part of me did and I was a little sad when she said we were having our third son but honestly I think one girl is more than enough for me. Now she has two big brothers to protect her at all times 🙂

  6. Cynthia @ You Signed Up For WHAT?! February 7, 2014 6:11 pm

    So many comments when I was pregnant with #3, aka the tie-breaker baby. I got a lot of “well you already have one of each so you’re happy either way, right?” Umm, yes of course I’ll be happy either way. My daughter wanted a sister to love, everyone else seemed to have their opinions about the preferred gender as well. I’ll admit that I always envisioned myself as a mom to all boys – and was totally shocked when #1 popped out and we discovered she was a girl. Not disappointed, just not what I expected.

  7. bloggerfather February 8, 2014 11:54 am

    You should tell these people, “It’s a boy. And we’re really sad about it…” Maybe at least that will make them keep their distance.

    People are so weird.

  8. findingninee February 8, 2014 10:43 pm

    Ok Stephanie, so I’m obviously the biggest weenie ever for not visiting your blog before today but honestly, I didn’t want to know about your voices. (no offense)
    Wow to the whole grieving the boy thing, while being so excited for a girl. Wow, wow, and wow. And huge big congratulations.

  9. dipaolamomma February 15, 2014 10:44 am

    Having two of each, I never fail to marvel at the audacity of some who feel the need to comment, “Oh my, did you plan on that many?”. Once I actually responded, “Nope, not a one of them was planned. I was never a fan of condoms.” another time I replied, “Actually, my husband is a geneticists so not only did we plan, but we also used special methods to help guide the sex of each child”. Ask stupid questions, get stupid answers. Kiddo, what you -and we all- need to remember is that this is OUR journey and we need not allow anyone else to pressure us. ENJOY your JOY!

  10. abqandrea February 26, 2014 10:50 am

    You are wonderful and I am now following this blog because it’s awesome. 🙂

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